103. Accepting The Unknown of The Journey with Emily Gough

• Emily, who currently lives in Bali but is from Canada, is an online podcasting coach helping entrepreneurs launch successful shows.
• Emily had been getting messages on social media from a woman with photos of her boyfriend and this woman – his ex-girlfriend.
• On Christmas Eve, 2018, there was a knock on the door, and was the woman, sharing those details and more, flipping Emily’s life on its head.
• He had been having an affair with his ex for all nine years of Emily’s relationship with him.
• Emily has reflected on her relationship with him, and wondered if there were signs. Looking back, there were, but she chose to trust him rather than not.
• This isn’t something she regrets as she would rather be a person who trusts than someone who doesn’t at all, even if it comes with pain sometimes.
• You grow through the experience, and, while you may have trouble trusting at times, she will still do whatever she can to choose trust.
• You can’t hold someone else hostage for the actions of another.
• Overall, their relationship had been really good, with others considering them to be a great couple, and they had been friends for years before they dated, making it harder to believe.
• In the wake of the realization, Emily was wrought with a great deal of self-doubt, and whether she can believe in her ability to see the truth or make the right decisions.
• We talked about the trade off between knowing the truth and burying your head in the sand. For some things that would just hurt to know and won’t happen again, some might decide to stay in the dark, while Emily generally wants to know regardless.
• She started to learn even more details that were harder to believe still, which is part of what lead her to physically get out of the situation.
• In the week that followed, they actually got engaged (that same night) and broke it off, and more.
• We talked about how staying engaged and getting married may be the right choice for some people. There is no single right choice. 
• There used to be shame in leaving, while now there’s shame in staying. You need to make your decision for you in your context.
• One more thing she learned was that this ex actually lived at a house less than 200 meters away from theirs.
• Not only that, the house was being renovated, and he was the one doing the renovations.
• He had one of his family members buy the house, and made sure no one said anything to Emily, while also hiding his car if he was parked there.
• During the final six months of the relationship, Emily had been developing crippling anxiety, which ended virtually instantly when she ended the relationship.
• She also had been having issues with her menstrual cycle for the prior three years, and shared with her mother that she was afraid they wouldn’t be able to have a baby.
• As soon as they broke up, everything went back to normal, like her body was trying to protect her from having kids with him.
• It’s like her body was trying to send her a message, and as soon as the relationship ended, things fell into place.
• She had gone back to school but wasn’t aligned with what she was studying. In the wake of the relationship ending, she decided she was not going to force it any longer and would instead focus on something that did resonate with her.
• She has really found positivity in what she went through where she would not have gone after things she genuinely loves doing without that wakeup call.
• It’s not that she wishes this situation on anyone, but is thankful for what it allowed her to do for herself that she would have struggled to do otherwise.
• Her decision to share her story is about extending a hand to those who have faced this, and are scared to talk about it.
• We don’t want to talk about it and risk having people wonder what we did to bring this on or to deserve it.
• If Emily can come through it and thrive, you can, too.
• The feedback she’s gotten is that it has helped by making people facing infidelity not feel alone, which is empowering and supportive in a way they so needed.
• Finding her purpose and doing work connected to it has been so powerful. Purpose doesn’t just appear, it’s what we find and make of it.
• Traveling alone has done so much because it showed Emily how much she can rely on herself, and how capable she is.
• Another valuable thing has been asking for and accepting help. 
• She spent a lot of time and energy hiding the truth from people.
• Friends didn’t know what happened, and then saw one day that she had moved to Bali, and didn’t know why. When she told them, she realized how she could have been open sooner and gotten support and love.
• Accepting that you don’t know what your journey is going to look like has been a big (and hard) thing for Emily. She’s always had a timeline and a plan, and this has been quite a shift for her.
• This allows the space for new opportunities to arise that you would not have seen otherwise.

Links:

• Website: EmilyGoughCoaching.com
• Podcast: Room to Grow Podcast
• Instagram: @EmilyGoughCoach